I loved you

As I dress, I watch you; fast asleep, not a clue that I have left the comfort of bed and your arms

This is my turn, my choice…

I do the buttons up on my blouse, pull on my skirt and do up my boots, all the while listening to you breathe

Through the crack in the curtains a ray of light lands across your face, you look so peaceful…beautiful

I gather my jewellery and keys, trying not to make a sound

I lean down and kiss you gently upon your lips…if I am strong this may be the last time

I close my eyes as my lips touch yours and I feel a tear roll down my cheek

I stand, wipe the tear away, I cannot let this get to me…I have to go

I put on my coat and open the door…still you have not stirred

As I close the door I do not turn, for I know I will be drawn back, all I say is

‘I loved you…’


Mirrors and Masks

People look, but they don’t see

People hear, but they don’t listen

How many people actually know who you are?

How many people have actually seen inside you, listened to your wants and needs and actually understood…and actually stayed?!

Fickleness runs deep…

Misunderstanding rages through veins…

Jealousy pounds at the inside of the skull…

Humour curls around the face like a perfectly fitting mask…

But the question is are these traits theirs…or are they yours?

Is the reason people don’t see or listen because it is you stopping them?

Is the reason they leave because you push them?

Take a moment, look in the mirror.

Who is there?

Make sure it is YOU that can see you

Make sure it is YOU that is listening

Deceiving Orbs

As I look at you, I realise that you are talking.  You are always challenging me with your thoughts and opinions, stretching my brain to think outside the box.

But today I am not listening to your words, no, today I am looking deep into your eyes.  They are sad, cold, blue-grey.  Something is not right.  You may tell me, you may not…but I know.

I have seen those eyes change.  They glow bright blue when you are excited, when your life makes sense. I have looked many times into those brilliant blue eyes and felt completely safe.

But today your eyes are deceiving you.  Your voice sounds up-beat and willing, but those blue-grey orbs are telling a different story.

I want, I WISH, that I was the one that could help make them change for good, but alas I do not think I am the one, not now.

You cough, I look, you have stopped talking, I hadn’t noticed, you are now looking at me.  I smile, you smile back and you know what? Those blue-grey eyes change, they brighten! That fantastic blue returns to them, they almost glint!

My smile grows and this time it is my eyes that deceive me; they are vibrant and dancing with hope, I can feel it.

You take my hand, we both stand.  You gently kiss me.  Our eyes meet, locked.

I now know that I can, that I DO, help you change.

Goodbye Love

By this I say farewell

Farewell to the ones I love, to the ones whom I wished had loved me

To those that I hated, to those that surely hated me

You were all responsible for helping mold who I am…who I was

But now I have stopped, but you will not, should not, could not!

You may cry, weep, mourn, but you will carry on

You may even forget me, but some will remember, and remember what you will…

By this I bid you all farewell


Lifes Possibilities

No blood…no blood

The possibility of life…shit

Are we ready? Is he ready?

Does he even want? Do I..do I even want?

Too many variables ricocheting around my mind

Breathe, breathe, sleep

No blood…still no blood

Still the possibilities of life…fuck

Keep mouth shut, turn brain off…CAN”T!

My thoughts are filled with what could be, both good…both bad

Breathe, breathe, sleep

Bloody, finally blood!

The end of possibilities…

A Shrouded Wave

Tumultuous waves crash and rumble in my mind. Breaking apart thoughts, clouding them all.

The light is dim, like a candle burning the last of its wick; the flame flickering, knowing at any moment it will be gone.

The shadows draw near, dancing to their eerie tune.  Their black shapes coming together to form a thick, solid blanket that is slowly tightening around me.  It is squeezing me, tight yet somehow safe.

The waves are breaking all around, the sound becoming deafening, the black shroud restricting further.

The light suddenly goes, the candle has finished.  I now can not tell where I finish and the black shroud begins.

The waves have taken over, I can see no escape except to accept the blackness.

These waves can take me now.